alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
