Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
