I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
