omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
