I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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