how can u be prego again
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
