since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
