Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to make a zoo with you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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