God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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