This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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