So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
