its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
