Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
