i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
