too bad you live with your parents still
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
