i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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