OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i believe in u and ur pee
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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