his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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