I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
