sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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