then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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