walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
