I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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