John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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