I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
