lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
