whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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