she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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