hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
