It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
