How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
