saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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