wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
