I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
