i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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