I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
