Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
