I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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