Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
