What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
40s are totally the cure
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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