he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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