His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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