he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
