somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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