I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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