Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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