Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
