i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
