My liver just broke up with me...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
