New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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