Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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