I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
