tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
