Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
