he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
