he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
