it hurts more in the daytime
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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