holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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