I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
