you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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