planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
