will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
