I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
