I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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