like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
