I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my liver is dry heaving
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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