____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
