Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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