This girl is more easily done than said...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
