I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
