I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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