Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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