you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
