you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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