My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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