I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
