I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
