He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
