I think I died a long time ago.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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